I’m happy. With the life I started creating for myself. I’m in a relationship where I’m taken care of. Makes me not hate living. But there’s still a hole. A hole I will never be able to fill. Its just an empty feeling. I will always regret not choosing jess. I will always regret not answering that text. But what if you were telling me goodbye. I’ll never know. I just hope you love me like I very much still love you. I spend most days wishing you were there. Wishing it was you that was here with me. I don’t know how to act. I can’t talk to anyone. I’ve already cried and cried. Tried fucking ending my life but failed because I couldn’t just do it. I miss you so much. I know you’d be proud of the life I have started making. I know you hate Ryan. And especially all that’s happened with you and him. The words, his actions. I give everyone chances after chances. And at the end of my night talking to him I’m happy to have him. But when I’m alone. I’m reminded of that hole. I’m reminded that you are gone. And that I can’t ever fucking talk to you. Here all the crazy shit you’d say. Hear all the random smart facts. Hear how successful you were becoming. I’m going crazy at night. The day time is so easy. Keep myself distracted. That’s what I have to do. I can’t wait to see you again. I just hope you are okay.

Sometimes I feel like you are trying to talk to me. The way the wind chimes go off when I think of you. Most songs I hear I think of you. But I’m just fucking nuts.


DOGS THAT ATE BEES iā€™m cryign







Robin Williams street art tribute off Melrose in LA on 17 August 2014




Omg so many feels ugh.